Because you were safe
by HazelxEyes
Summary: “Why do you do this stuff with me Spot?” She said tears running down her cheeks. “Because you are safe.” Read and review completed
1. Chapter 1

Title: Because you were safe.

Author: HazelxEyes

Disclaimer: I do not own the newsies, but I do own Flicker, Crystal, and whatever else I make up. This is Rated M for a reason. Explicit sexual content.

Summery: "Why do you do this stuff with me Spot?" She said tears running down her cheeks. "Because you are safe."

Chapter 1

"Yo spot it is your turn." I yelled at the infamous Brooklyn leader Spot Conlon, what he lacks in height he makes up for in violence. "Okay, Okay I've never…" suddenly Spot got one of his 'oh you are gonna hate me for this' grins… "…tripped over the commons table." I glared for a few minute then put up my 10th finger "I'm out…fucker" I grinned and glared at the leader before walking out of the room for them to decide my doom. While I sit out here might as well share a bit of my life with you.

First off my name is Madison, only Cowboy calls me that one, if you ask for me here you would have to ask for Flicker. I don't have no tragic story just that I was found on the doorstep of Medda's. She took me in until I was old enough. I then moved to Brooklyn where I met Spot, he showed me the ropes for selling papes, we were inseparable…until his balls dropped. He became interested in the cute girly girls despite what most believe he was not a man whore until he became the Brooklyn leader and well I became one of the guys. All that make up and luxury never appealed to me. I like the simple stuff such as swimming in my underclothes. Playing in the mud in the pouring down rain and occasional fights with the guys. Cause of that I never know how it feels to have the gentle pressure of lips against mine. The soft intimate touches of someone who loves you. Yeah I am a sap. Soon I heard the, oh so kind screeching of spot calling me out there.

"Flicker get your ass out here." I just slipped out of the hallway and went to find my seat which was now occupied by spots latest conquest crystal, I stood beside her and stared "your in my seat…" and she just made the 'pfft' noise and got up and plopped down in Conlons lap. I started to regret telling her that now, "So what will it be boys." I said looking hopeful that they couldn't choose something bad, "Give spot a lap dance." At this point I was leaning to far back in my chair and those words threw off my balance and then there was a scream that wasn't my own being that spot had stopped me from falling so the scream had come from crystal who was now getting up from falling off of spots lap and glaring daggers at me. "You okay flicker?" He said looking at me with the eyes that I have always gotten lost in. "I would be better if I wasn't being forced to give you a lap dance." He just grinned the grin that made me fall for him 2 years ago, and helped me stand up then he regained his composure and sat back in his chair waiting for me to pay my dues.

Now I am not this skinny beauty I have meat on my bones and I don't think I have ever worn female clothes I am proud of my 36 C boobs and my hips I do have curves…heh, but in no way to I match any of the Conlon girls, so I stood up at my amazing 5 feet 0 inches stance and walked towards him letting any bit of lust for him I had in me show, he gulped and straightened up. I swung my left leg over his lap to straddle him slightly thrusting against his crotch and rubbing my breasts up against his chest. I took a deep breath of air when he placed his hands on my hips rubbing his calloused thumbs on my waist. I stared him down with my gaze of pure lust. I could feel him buck his hips to meet my own thrusts. I leaned and nipped at his neck flicking out my tongue a bit before placing a hand on each of his sides I sucked a little on his lobe while I lightly dragged my nails down his side. Then as soon as all of this started it stopped and I got up off of his lap grabbing my jacket off the floor, walked up the stairs ignoring any of the stares that the boys were splitting between spot and I, and into the girl's room. It was empty; most girls were probably at Medda's. I looked up at the clock noticing it was only 3:00pm I decided to give cowboy a lovely visit. I put on my jacket and walked back out of the room, down the stairs it was quiet, I am guessing the game ended, and I was right because now only lead and footsies were playing jacks and then spot and crystal were on the couch having a groping session. "Oh come on spot they give the leader a private room for a reason. I am going to Cowboys territory. I wanna give Jack a visit." I didn't wait for his response; instead I walked out of the lodge and headed towards the bridge.

The sky was beautiful if I was more eloquent with my words I am sure I could give it some bit of justice. I saw a few newsies on their way back to the lodging house and a few attempting to bring home a lovely Brooklyn lady. At the bridge I stopped for a bit and rested my arms on the guide rails look down at the water below. If you haven't guessed by now, I am completely madly and totally smitten with spot. He would know unless I smacked him in the face and flashed him…how that would inform him I dunno. Just that for as long as I can remember everything about him as appealed to me. I just wish I had the courage to tell him, but I don't want to come off as a softy. Fuck, it is starting to get dark. I ran all the way to the Manhattan newsies lodge, stopping every now and then for a breather. With my last bit of energy I entered the newsie house only to be greeted with silence. Then it dawned on me…Saturday…Medda's fuck. Oh well I might as well just wait for them to come back I headed up to the boys news room and found a bunk that didn't wreak of pit sweat and male stenches and lay down massaging my temples.

What seemed like 5 minutes had passed and I was being shaken awake, I swatted my arms around mumbling incoherent phrases along the line of leave me alone when I felt some ones lips on mine. And I sprung up my forehead colliding with the my lips offender's mouth, and I heard a 'God damn Flicker you gots a hard head', "Why the fuck were you kissing me Conlon? Ya know I could turn you in for sexual harassment…" I said smirking at him. "Don't be a smart ass." Spot said still leaning over me. "Why are you here anyways?" I voiced my thoughts. "Well You left so fast I didn't have time to tell you that they would be at Medda's so I though 'hey why not give the lil lady some com-OW!" Spot started rubbing his arm that was recently punch by me I grinned then pouted looking at him, "I'm not little! Even if I am, you are a hypocrite." I grinned when he glared. Silence followed…

"So uh Flicker, you seemed to enjoy giving that lap dance about as much as I enjoyed getting it…" With that I flung myself back on the bed and started rubbing my temples. "Well I had to make it believable." Ha beat that one Spotty Boy! "A bit to believable?" I raised my eyebrows, "What are you getting at Conlon?" He smirked, and without another word crawled onto the bunk spreading my legs until his covered crotch met mine. I didn't think it was possible for me to be so lustful and nervous at the same time. Without warning he thrust his crotch rubbing it quite pleasurably against mine, I rolled my head back gasping as he leaned in and bit at my exposed neck, soon I figured out his rhythm and start thrusting with him, "I want you Madison." He gave another thrust and bit at my neck, while I let out a muffled moan…

A/N: Read and Review


	2. Chapter 2

Title: Because you were safe.

Author: HazelxEyes

Disclaimer: I do not own the newsies, but I do own Flicker, Crystal, and whatever else I make up. This is Rated M for a reason. Explicit sexual content.

Summery: "Why do you do this stuff with me Spot?" She said tears running down her cheeks. "Because you are safe."

Chapter 2

Wait what the fuck am I doing? This shouldn't be happening he has crystal, as annoying as she is, she is still is girlfriend. With one soundless whimper I chose to push him off me. "What's wrong flicker?" Spot said as he smoothed his hair back. "Are you and Crystal in an open relationship?" I looked at him accusingly. "What? No of course we aren't, but are you going to tell her?" I started to play with a button on my shirt as I mumbled "no…" "Well then we don't have a problem." He started to crawl back towards me with a look of pure lust. The only thing that would save me from my raging hormones would be the boys coming back from Medda's or he suddenly gets a conscience…neither seemed to want to occur.

"_And the talking leads to touching,  
and the touching leads to sex"_

I let him push me back into the bed my head was cushioned by pillows as spot gripped my hips thrusting and grinding our clothing covered crotches together. Creating a feeling of euphoric pleasure. I felt his left hand snake down to my crotch, Due to reflexes I grabbed his hand with my own and just let out a hoarse "no" placing his hands back on my hips, I did get a weird stare, but for some reason I didn't feel like such a whore because I wouldn't give him the pleasure of being able to grope below the belt. He started to un-tuck my shirt, I helped him along the way by unbuttoning my shirt our hands met in the center he grabbed my wrists pinning me to the bed. Our eyes met for the moment, in his you saw lust; in mine you saw need, want, love, lust, and most of all guilt. He leaned in for a kiss my first thought was _'turn your head to the side Madison for the love of god turn your head to the side.'_ I did just that so instead of receiving a kiss I felt his teeth gently sink into my flesh not enough to break the skin, but just enough to leave my skin red. I felt like a sitting duck, I wasn't really doing anything to pleasure him everything he was doing was for my benefit. Was this how things were for Crystal? Or did he just use her for a lap trophy? And he will use me for a bed decoration…fuck I can't do this…with that final though I shoved spot off of me and re-buttoned my shirt and ran out of the lodge house looking for any of the Manhattan Newsies that would know where Jack was.

All I could think about was why is he doing this with me? I mean he could get any girl he wants and yet he chooses me? God damn this is so confusing. I am such a god damn whore with no self control, I shouldn't stopped this before it started…I was broken from my thoughts when I saw Snoddy. "Snoddy I have a favor to ask of you." He looked at me skeptically. "What is it?" "Well I can't really explain everything just spots at yawls lodging house and well it is probably best it I stay away. So I wanted to know if you could come find me in the all around the back of the lodging house when spot heads back to Brooklyn?" He looked at me unsure of how to respond. "Please? I want to tell you more details but I can't." I gave him the best pout I could muster up. "Fine, fine…" If I get in trouble with spot your ass is mine." I was so relieved we said our good byes and I walked back to the alley to wait for Snoddy. I found a crate to sit on and just watched the sun set.

I saw a couple walk down the street hand in had while what seemed to be the father figure was holding a kid that was fast asleep head resting on his shoulder. Sometimes I feel like I am missing out in life with two things. I didn't know my parents, but Medda is like everyone's mother. And I just wish I would know what it feels like to be loved in return. I hugged my knees to my chest and let a single tear slide down my cheek.

"God this hurts."

**The dawn is breaking**

**A light shining through**

**You're barely waking**

**And I'm tangled up in you**

**Yeah**

**But I'm open, you're closed**

**Where I follow, you'll go**

**I worry I won't see your face**

**Light up again**

**Even the best fall down sometimes**

**Even the wrong words seem to rhyme**

**Out of the doubt that fills my mind**

**I somehow find, you and I collide**

**I'm quiet, you know**

**You make a first impression**

**I've found I'm scared to know**

**I'm always on your mind**

**Even the best fall down sometimes**

**Even the stars refuse to shine**

**Out of the back you fall in time**

**You somehow find, you and I collide**

**Don't stop here**

**I've lost my place**

**I'm close behind**

**Even the best fall down sometimes**

**Even the wrong words seem to rhyme**

**Out of the doubt that fills your mind**

**You finally find, you and I collide**

**You finally find **

**You and I collide**

**You finally find**

**You and I collide**

A/N: lyrics are from "Portions for Foxes" Rilo Kiley and "Collide" Howie Day


	3. Chapter 3

Title: Because you were safe.  
Author: HazelxEyes  
Disclaimer: I do not own the newsies, but I do own Flicker, Crystal, and whatever else I make up. This is Rated M for a reason. Explicit sexual content.  
Summery: "Why do you do this stuff with me Spot?" She said tears running down her cheeks. "Because you're safe."

Chapter 3

I wasn't sure how long I had been sitting on the crate behind the lodging house when Snoddy finally came back out to let me know spot had finally left. So I slid off of the crate and headed into the Manhattan lodging house to be greeted by a few newsies milling about not ready to fall asleep.Still following Snoddy up the stairs into the boys room to find a bunk to crash in, butfirst having to ask dear jack's permission. "Hey Madison, how's Brooklyn?" Speak of the devil. "It's alright. Mind if I bunk here tonight?" I asked Jack vaguely answering his question. "Why? You got a problem with Spot?" "Don't ask don't tell Jacky boy." I responded. "But I asked…" "Doesn't mean I'll tell." I flashed him a grin. "So hows about a bunk for your favorite female Brooklyn newsie?" I batted my eyelashes, earning a little smile out of him. "Do you even have to ask? Of course." He pointed to the bunk that spot and I had well…you know. I nodded and headed over to the bunk deciding against rejecting the bunk he was offering. Curling up in the bed, I felt sleep overtake me, as my body shut down.

"_Maddie! I gots amazing news!" A girl who looked about 13 looked up to see a boy not much taller than 5 foot running towards her, "You will never believe what happened." She grinned. "I already heard its big news! Congratulations, my new boss." He laughed then got a serious tone with her. "You know this won't change our friendship. I just have lots more responsibilities." "I know, I know." He gave her a big hug and said his good off to tell Cowboy his good news. "Yeah sure nothing will change." She just looked in the direction the boy had run._

_2 years later._

_The same girl now 15 sat in her bunk, hearing the other girl newsies go on about their Brooklyn leader, also known as her best friend Spot. She could hear the faint creaking of bed springs and the drunken moans of Spot and his one nighter. He lost his time for friendly banter and gambling and went on to more important things like boobs and alcohol. It was rare that she would see him sober on their days off from selling. Any time she brought it up to him he would push her away and go into his room. Then come back in the next day with a hang over and apologize and promise to change…she was stupid and believed him. He never had sex with any of the girls he prided himself on that. Most girls would try to get him to fuck their brains out, but he always refused. Thus resulting in a drunken rampaging blonde storming out of the newsie lodging home. **"You know this won't change our friendship. I just have lots more responsibilities."**_

I was awoken by Jack shaking me with a worried look. "Does Spot know where you are?" I rubbed the sleep out of my eyes and shook my head to say no. "Well he is on a rampage, he found out you didn't go back to Brooklyn." I mentally scolded myself and then prepared myself for the lecture I was about to get. "Madison you know you aren't supposed to leave your territory for more than a day with out the permission of your leader, that being Spot." Suddenly I heard the boy's door slam open and there was the Brooklyn leader himself, if looks could kill I would be 6 feet under this very moment. "Madison get your ass down those stairs and out of the lodging house now, we need to talk." I gently moaned in frustration and flopped back down into the bed. "NOW!" God damn him. I looked at jack for a way out and he just shook his head. "You knew better, you dug your own grave." I gave him the one fingered peace sign and took a deep breath, then calmly walked out of the room, down the stairs and out of the lodging house only to be slammed against the brick wall by Spot.

"God damn it Madison. I give you more lenience than any other Brooklyn newsie, and you always push the button." I refused to look at him or say anything to him. "I spent all morning looking for you when Footsies said you didn't come in." "Was that before or after you let crystal suck you off with the same fucking cock you were grind against my puss." I spat at him catching him off guard. "What the fuck are you talking about? You were just as willing as me." "Oh well glad to know you can point the blame at the whore," Suddenly he pushed me back into the wall. "You know I would never fucking think of you like that! Don't assume I am that low as to consider you a whore, believe it or not I care about you." I looked away. "You know I have so much more respect for you than that."

His body moved closer to mine, I went to push him away but he pinned my arms above my head and started biting and sucking on the skin below my jaw, I let out a moan. "You push me away and yet you moan at my touch." He moved his lips to my neck sinking his teeth into my skin not enough to draw blood once again, but enough to have me whimpering for his touch. Lets take this into the into the alley, I just nodded and let him lead me into the alley. He lifted me up onto the crate and started thrusting just as he did last time, only this time I didn't stop his hands when they gently massaged my inner thighs. I started to remove my shirt and he just watched, and stared instantly ducking his head down to take my right breast into his mouth the thrusting didn't stop. My nails were leaving scratch marks that I could promise you, will be red in the morning. His tongue flicked out at my breasts nipple, making me moan because of the sensitivity. His other hand was gently massaging my left breast, I finally couldn't take it any more and let out a slight gasp and shudder, and it was all over. I put on my shirt again and adjusted my pants. Out of the corner of my eye I saw him attempting to adjust his erection so it would be comfortable for the walk back to Brooklyn. I signed and turned to Spot. "If you want when we get back to Brooklyn I can uhm fix that for you?" I nodded towards his visible boner. "If you want." I grinned and nodded with that we were off to Brooklyn and Spot was about to receive his first oral experience.

"I hate myself for loving you."

A/N: Lyrics: "I hate myself for loving you" by Joan Jett

Thank you's!

ElleestJenn – 1st review: hehe your excitement makes me want to update more often to be truthfully I don't even know what will happen next, so it will be a surprise for all of us.

2nd review: Hey at least it keeps the readers wanting more; I promise I will try to make this one longer hun! THANKS FOR REVIEWING!

Barbra – Yeah thanks I hope you enjoy the rest of the story.

Allroundnewsie – hehe thanks I appreciate you reading and reviewing.


	4. Chapter 4

Title: Because you were safe.  
Author: HazelxEyes  
Disclaimer: I do not own the newsies, but I do own Flicker, Crystal, and whatever else I make up. This is Rated M for a reason. Explicit sexual content.  
Summery: "Why do you do this stuff with me Spot?" She said tears running down her cheeks. "Because you're safe."

_**SO SORRY FOR NOT UPDATING! I don't know I just kind of lost interest but I finally am back in it.**_

_"If you want when we get back to Brooklyn I can uhm fix that for you?" I nodded towards his visible boner. "If you want." I grinned and nodded with that we were off to Brooklyn and Spot was about to receive his first oral experience._

Chapter 4

I had my knees hugged to my chest staring off into space in attempts to block out the obvious yelling that was coming from spots room. Apparently someone had caught Spot and I in the ally and told dear Crystal. I had to sleep in the guy's room tonight because all the girls were looking at me like they were ready to strangle me if crystal gave the word. I knew it would come around to bite me in the ass I knew it. I stood and started pacing I could hear everything coming from there. Like how I meant nothing to him, or how she couldn't believe he would go for me but she always knew I was a whore. I couldn't take it I really couldn't; I just grabbed my blanket and wrapped it around myself. I walked up to his room door and knocked politely when I got a fuck off in return I swung the door open, "Spot I am leaving, no I am not asking for permission I am leaving" I said this in a calm tone sadistically enjoying how angry he was getting. "You still work under me you are putting your ass back in that bunk I need to finish talking with Crystal, then your ass is mine." I just took one look at him; before I knew what I was doing I brought my arm back and swung it forward hitting him in the jaw, "FUCK YOU!" With that I ran down the stairs and out of the building I couldn't take this. I hated my emotions for thinking to far into it and I hated myself for liking him then and now even after all of this, I loved the way his hands knew every spot that could make me shiver with pleasure. I didn't stop walking until I found myself in the very same spot that I had met him. I sat down against the brick wall wrapping my blanket tighter around me, it was getting dark. I couldn't go back, but I had to. That was my last thought before I drifted off to sleep.

The sunlight shined through waking me up. I decided I should just get up and head back. I was going to act like nothing happened I don't care he has crystal I am done now he is just my boss. I fixed my hair and wiped the sleep out of my eyes. Raising my left arm above my head I gave a good sniff and instantly drew back, I needed a shower. I heard the familiar splashes of the newsies playing in the water I looked at the perch but Spot wasn't there. When I entered the lodging house I headed straight for the showers I really needed it like badly. I started to sing softly in the shower…it was a habit.

_"If I leave here tomorrow  
would you still remember me?  
For I must be traveling on, now,  
There's too many places I haven't seen  
And if I stayed here with you, now  
Things just wouldn't be the same  
Well I'm as free as a bird now,  
And a bird you can not change.  
And a bird you can not change.  
And a bird you can not change.  
Lord knows I can't change"_

I patted around for a towel finding one on the hook I wrapped it around myself and quickly ran into the girl's room…fuck. Low and behold the great Brooklyn leader was sitting on my bed rubbing his temples and muttering to himself. "What do you want spot?" I said walking to the end of my bed opening the trunk pulling out my second set of clothing. For a second it looked like he was about to verbally assault me until he saw that I was clad in only a towel. "Spot, look the other way I need to get dressed." "Huh oh yeah right" covering his eyes he turned the other way I dropped the towel to the floor and I could have sworn I saw him take a peek, but I paid no mind. He was finally able to look while I was buttoning up my shirt then I sat on my bed hugging my knees to my chest.

"I am sorry." I just looked at him; sorry wasn't going to cut it this time. "Not this time spot, I can't deal with you anymore." I wasn't going back to him anymore I couldn't. I rested my chin on my knee's waiting for his response. "I need you, flicker." I stayed silent, "I need you Madison."

"I need you too."

That was all that was said that was all that was needed to be said. I watched him stand up he held his hand out to me I held it as we walked to his room I walked ahead of him hearing the faint sound of the door locking.

He came from behind me his hands unbuttoning my shirt while he nibbled and sucked on my neck biting and licking soft gasps were heard, we broke apart for him to remove both of my shirts. Turning me to face him, I couldn't looking into his eyes, so I just turned my head took one strong bite into his neck my tongue flicked out to lick the skin, he lightly ran his finger tips along my sides before I knew it he lifted me up while I wrapped my legs around his waist moving to lay me gently on his bed. Resting my head on his pillow I watched him remove his shirt, and followed him as he moved to the foot of the bed eyes never leaving me as he crawled up the bed between my legs. My breathing patterns became ragged. I needed it hard fast and rough. I needed it so badly. I gripped his belt loops and thrusted up, taking the hint he thrusted his hips our crotches rubbed against each other. No thoughts don't think, don't talk just move. My nails dug into his hips I moaned as he ducked his head licking my exposed nipple then took the breast into his mouth sucking and biting my nipples hardened through these actions. "Harder"… "Faster"…"So close" I had to bite my bottom lip to keep from making any noise as I reached my climax. Finally things slowed down he lay beside me adjusting his hard on. I got on my knee's and crawled over to him, placing myself in between his legs I took one glance at him asking for permission, for the first time I saw nervousness in his eyes, my hands shook as I unbuttoned his trousers pulling them down then out came his length I just took it all into my mouth watching his response the whole time his hands gripped the sheets hips thrusting I had to use my strength to hold his hips down as I sucked harder. In out, deep throat, actions repeated with a slight moan he released himself I swallowed it. Pulling away we looked at each other. Suddenly everything came crashing down I need out, but I couldn't show him this, no he can't see my weakness. "I better leave the room before Crystal comes back. " He said nothing just laid on his bed grinning I got up and found my shirts quickly putting them back on I gave him a slight wave while I unlocked the door and walked out slowly to the docks.

Why was I doing this to myself, my thoughts were interrupted as I looked over and saw the familiar cowboy hat. "Jack!" I ran over and he gave me a hug. "What are you doing here?" He pulled back and looked at me, "Well I had a question," He paused I nodded for him to continue, "Well you know that dance that we have once a month at Medda's, well I wanted to know if you would uh be my date?" I looked at him, he seemed sincere, and it wasn't like I already had a date. "Sure." He smiled.

**REVIEWS ARE WELCOME I WILL UPDATE MORE OFTEN! Promise.**

**Lyrics are: Free Bird by Lynyrd Skynyrd**


	5. Chapter 5

Title: Because you were safe.  
Author: HazelxEyes  
Disclaimer: I do not own the newsies, but I do own Flicker, Crystal, and whatever else I make up. This is Rated M for a reason. Explicit sexual content.  
Summery: "Why do you do this stuff with me Spot?" She said tears running down her cheeks. "Because you're safe."

"Well you know that dance that we have once a month at Medda's, well I wanted to know if you would uh be my date?" I looked at him, he seemed sincere, and it wasn't like I already had a date. "Sure." He smiled.

Chapter 5

We sat there in an awkward silence. "So uhm I am staying the night here so tomorrow night I will be able to escort you to Medda's" He said with a grin, I was still replaying the scene over in my head when he turned to walk back in to the Brooklyn lodging house. "Uh Jack!" He turned around to look at me and I stood on my tip toes and gave him a peck on the lips before walking past him into the lodging house I was the one now wearing the grin. The grin vanished when I saw Crystal sitting on Spots lap while they kept kissing and cuddling. I turned away and walked up the steps to the girl's room when it hit me…I have no dress. Fuck! Soon I saw Footsies walk in her and I had about the same stats and she was the only one that didn't hate me for the whole Spot incident. "Hey Footsies." She turned, "I was uh wondering if you might have a dress that I could maybe borrow for the dance tomorrow?" I looked pleadingly. "Yeah, whose your date!" I blushed. "Uh well its jack…" She looked surprised. "Wow, well that is quite a pairing you are going to need heals if you want to dance with him." She laughed. I knew a short joke would eventually happen. "Yeah, yeah, so how about that dress." I watched as she dug through her trunk and finally she made a squeal of happiness and pulled out a dress, a pair of stockings, shoes and another item I did not recognize.

I guess before we get further into this Footsies is not really an orphan her parents left her a large amount of money and she still has it but she could not stand to live with her grandparents so she ran away and stays with us instead always willing to lend us money if needed she just likes the freedom of being a newsie.

"What's that?" I asked poking the unnamed clothing item. "It is a corset it holds all the extra chub in." I was slightly afraid of that corset at the moment. Footsies handed me the dress, it was heavier than it looked, along with all the other items to stow away in my trunk I thanked her as she left the room. Not five seconds later did I hear the usual argument between Spot and Crystal.

The usual argument is that though spot fools around with girls he has never actually…had…well he hasn't had sex with any of them I don't know why, never bothered to ask. He is actually quite innocent when you think about it I mean I guess I gave him his first blowjob today. That thought made me shiver. Spot is a weird one. Suddenly I heard a crash from spots room this was my cue to leave the room before Crystal stormed in. I darted out to the main room where the boys including jack were all sitting around the table talking. "Yo Flicker come on over." Jack yelled when he noticed that I had come out of the room I saw footsies on the couch grinning at that. "There are no chairs over there." I yelled playfully flirting especially when I saw spot coming down the stairs with Crystal in tow both of them apologizing and acting perfect again. That was my deciding point so I walked over and sat down in jacks lap, he wrapped his arms around my waist in response. I saw spot look over slightly confused and responded by pulling Crystal into his lap. He was jealous. "Jack, may I talk to you outside?" I asked politely standing up, jacks response was to stand up too. I took jacks hand and led him outside whistling and clapping ensued while spot just watched us walk out the door.

The minute we were out there I leaned back against the wall and pulled him up close to me. Our lips met in a rough fast kiss. I shivered at the feeling of his hands roaming my sides. We pulled apart seconds later our foreheads resting against each other. We both had matching grins. "You better get to sleep you have a big day tomorrow." Jack said kissing me on the lips again. "Actually I am going to have a quick smoke before I head in." I moved past him to walk out the docks but jack reached out and grabbed my wrist pulling me back for one more kiss, as soon as it started it was over and he pulled back and headed into the house. I grinned smugly as I walked out pulling a smoke out from my shirt pocket and placing it between my lips pulling out a match to light it with then I heard the infamous. "You know smoking kills you." I just grinned and responded, "Good to know." Then took a long drag from the cigarette. "So you and Jacky boy are dates?" "Yeah and hopefully more that boy seems like he would be good in bed." My last comment made spot inhale sharply. "I am not sure I like you dating him." "Good thing I don't listen to you then." Another puff of smoke filled my lungs. "I am still your boss and I know what is best for you and what's best for you is to stay away from jack." Okay I don't have a problem with authority but I really hate being told who I am allowed to be around. I threw my cigarette in the water and stood up. "Why spot? Jealous? Do you not like the thought of him and I fucking so hard I am screaming Oh god harder. Or do you not like the fact that you lost your little fuck buddy?" I might have said that a bit harshly. "Well I don't like you dating someone." "All your arguments are the same give me a reason a good reason." He was silent for a moment.

"I like you." I just spit on the ground by his feet. "Only in bed"

With that I walked into the lodging house past everyone and into the girl's room. I didn't even change out of my clothes I just slipped into bed and slept. It wasn't fair of him to toy with my emotions. I know deep down that he is only doing this because I let him. I hated him yet I craved, his touch, his voice, his look, everything but as long as he acted like this I couldn't do it I can't do it, no, no I won't do it.

The next morning I was woken up the noise of all the guys and girls getting ready to go selling not bothering to switch outfits I climbed out of bed stretching soundlessly, before sitting back down on the edge of my bed to put my shoes on. The room was loud with girls talking about the dance tonight while the guys I am sure were making some kinky perverted sex joke. I stood up and walked out of the room checking to make sure I had my money to buy papes for the day. Normally spot was my selling partner but after last night the last thing I wanted to do was be around him. The day went by slowly it seemed as if Spot was trying just as hard to avoid me as I was to avoid him. Around 6 I ran back to the lodging house at the top of the stairs there footsies was glaring daggers into me. "Where the hell have you been…never mind get your ass up here and take a shower then come back into the girls room and I am going to help you get dressed!" I didn't give her a chance to say anything else and ran my ass up the stairs and washed everywhere it was possible to clean. As soon as I had finished I moved my way through the crowd of girls to my bed where Footsies was waiting with all my items laid out including the corset thing. She through a pair of underwear and a t-shirt of sorts at me which I quickly put on next was the item of clothing I would soon come to hate, position so I was gripping the bed post she quickly tightened this form of torture gasping and praying to god that I would just pass out already she continued. When she finally finished she helped me put on my dress I thought I was going to collapse under all the weight. Last but not least she got me to wear a bit of make up I wasn't going to lie I looked good. Slipping on the shoes I headed down the stairs almost tripping on one on my way down, jack was immediately at my side. Our arms linked we made our way to Medda's. Spot was a little bit ahead with Crystal joined at the hip and Footsies looked gorgeous as usual linking arms with Snoddy.

When we reached Medda's it was already loud as possible. Jack mentioned something about getting drinks and left my side so I looked around smiled at the newsies. It had been about 30 minutes when I finally started to wonder where the hell Jack was, they always said curiosity killed the cat, they were right. I checked the bar, no sign, I headed around to the entrance, once again no sign, I finally decided to check the back exit when I got there I just saw a tangled mess of Jack and his ex Sarah engaged in what could be mistaken for a soft core porn. I just shut the door and walked out. I knew things were too good to be true. To fucking good. In some ways I probably deserved to be ditched because deep down I was just using jack to make spot jealous, but it still hurts you know? I left Medda's and decided to make the long walk home half way across the bridge I took off my shoes and walked barefoot, the lodge house was oddly quiet, as I made my way into the girls room removing my dress, which was damn hard! The corset was easy I needed to remind myself to thank Footsies for making the knot easy to untie, I quickly put on an old button up shirt that went down to my knee's, and then I reached under my bed to remove a 5th of whiskey, I was going to make good use of this one.

I stumbled my way to the docks; I had already taken a few swigs of the whiskey on my way out of the lodging house, when I sat down against a dock on the post I just dazed off drunkenly singing, I didn't care how people saw me at this moment. I really didn't.

"I'm a long way from home  
And so all alone  
Homesick, like I never thought I'd be  
I'm a long way from home  
And everything is wrong  
Someone please watch over me

I'm not accustomed to these feelings  
The loneliness is burning in my soul  
Sometimes the mind is so misleading  
I wish I'd stayed at home like I was told"

My head fell to one side it was to much energy to hold it up; I could faintly see the outlining of something coming towards me. Not that it mattered because all that whiskey was starting to no longer like my stomach before I knew it I was on all fours my head hanging off the docks while I the sounded of my retching filled the air. Someone held my hair back to keep it from getting coated with my puke. "Christ Madison." I just closed my eyes I didn't have to much time to lament over the fact that it was Spot that was witnessing my drunken escapades, when the vile taste arose again and I started to retch some more.

I am not sure when I stopped puking I think I passed out just after, I woke up in a room that I recognized incredibly well, Spot's. I wasn't awake for 2 seconds when I saw Spot hunched over at the foot of the bed. Right about now would be when I think of something good to say to him…nope not for me of course not.

Review please!

Lyrics were "long way from home" by Shooter Jennings


	6. Chapter 6

Title: Because you were safe.  
Author: HazelxEyes  
Disclaimer: I do not own the newsies, but I do own Flicker, Crystal, and whatever else I make up. This is Rated M for a reason. Explicit sexual content.  
Summery: "Why do you do this stuff with me Spot?" She said tears running down her cheeks. "Because you're safe."

_Right about now would be when I think of something good to say to him…nope not for me of course not._

Chapter 6

I am not sure how long the silence had gone on, hell I didn't even know if he even knew I was conscious yet. With as much stealth as I could manage I brought my legs around to hang off the side of the bed, glancing over to see if spot had noticed anything, which he didn't seem to I moved up to a sitting position. On the bed stand I saw the empty bottle of whiskey that I had last night. I slowly got myself to stand up, god my balance was fucked. Using anything I could as a guide rail I silently made my way to the door, seems my body couldn't handle this much movement and I started to feel incredibly lightheaded before I knew it I was going down, Spot seemed to have seen me getting up…guess I am not that sneaky, but regardless he was at my side helping me back into his bed. It was impossible to guess what he might have been feeling at the moment. As soon as I was sitting in the bed again he retook his spot at the foot of the bed.

"What happened to us Maddy?" I hadn't heard that nickname in a while, god what did happen to us? "We grew up Spot. We changed." I scooted closer to him. "No, that's not it…" I think he was right. I made my way to sit all the way beside him. "Maybe were just fucked up, maybe this is how things are supposed to be?" For once I think we agreed on something. He turned to look at me "Maybe…" That was all that was said he leaned in and kissed me, it wasn't cheesy and no sparks flew, it was just right, one kiss turned into two. For the first time we weren't in a hurry to finish before crystal found out. His hands found their way to the buttons of my shirt, I didn't recognize it spot must have given me a clean shirt. I started to unbutton his shirt a blush made its way across my cheeks as I smiled. "You should smile more often." Spot whispered into my ear before nibbling on my earlobe. We slowly moved further up onto the bed. I slid off his shirt and lightly bit his neck and sucked on it. My hands then made their way to his pants, but he pushed them away for a second as he slid my shirt off, and just sat there staring at me it was weird but my worries were a thing of the past when he gripped the back of my neck pulling me into another kiss my hands once again started to remove his pants, he finished by removing them, skin touched skin. He looked deep into my eyes, I knew what was coming he did too. He spread my legs his eyes never leaving mine positioning himself at my entrance pushed in just a bit, I bit my lip to keep from showing any negative reaction I am sure he was just as nervous as I was. "Keep going…" he pushed further and stopped for a second leaning down to kiss me as he started pulling out then in one swift movement he thrust back in, I let out a moan arching my back.

_Surrender your mouth,  
Your entire body,  
Your soul,  
I want it all._

I let my nails drag down his back whispering harder faster more. The world had stopped for now, I didn't mind.

_Words are ghosts,  
Lost in the bliss,  
Crystalline and fragile  
As I breathe you in._

His body shook with one final thrust he was spent.

_Let's crucify our inhibitions,  
Execute the tackiness of hesitance:  
Morning can wait, darling._

With one kiss upon my forehead he fell to lie beside me, comfort through silence. He wrapped his arms tightly around me we fell asleep.

-Third person-

The next morning Spot woke up alone only to find a note with the whiskey bottle being used as its paperweight. She was gone.

-First person-

I needed to leave I couldn't stay, I didn't know where I was going I just needed out. I no longer could handle this I need to back up and solve my problems before I got involved with him. Well I don't know…I was lost confused. I decided to go stay in the Bronx I am sure leopard would let me stay with them. I stopped for a bit at the docks having one last smoke I saw Footsies and Snoddy walking towards the docks…fuck I twisted my hair up and hid it under my hat as I walked briskly past them. I knew I would eventually come back when I wasn't quite sure.

_Review!_

_The poem is by me so no stealing or your ass is fried. And sorry that this chapter is short the next one is going to be longer I just had to get this out._


	7. Chapter 7

Title: Because you were safe.  
Author: HazelxEyes  
Disclaimer: I do not own the newsies, but I do own Flicker, Crystal, and whatever else I make up. This is Rated M for a reason. Explicit sexual content.  
Summery: "Why do you do this stuff with me Spot?" She said tears running down her cheeks. "Because you're safe."

_Fuck I twisted my hair up and hid it under my hat as I walked briskly past them. I knew I would eventually come back when I wasn't quite sure._

**Chapter 7**

**-Third Person-**

The first year after Madison's disappearance Spot spent his time sending newsies to the different territories in search of her. There was never any sign of her. He started to keep to himself, there were times when he thought he saw her walking across the street, but he knew it wasn't. He started relationships 2 or 3 at a time, but it seemed he couldn't get his mind off her. Eventually he would have to move on, but inside he really wished he could just see her one more time.

Slowly his heartbreak turned to anger, anger at her for leaving him like this, anger for her inability to commit. "FUCK!" Spot screamed throwing a punch at the wall, he didn't even stop to examine the damage on his hand, instead he continued on with his rampage, throwing a chair across the room, and tearing apart the newspaper he had kept for himself. All of his newsies were use to these outbreaks and knew it was best to just stay away. He leaned back against a wall and slowly slid down onto the floor so he was in a sitting position. "Fuck you Madison." He closed his eyes and just sat there.

**The Bronx**

Madison had been staying in the Bronx for about a year or two. She still didn't know why she left, and she knew she had to go back but she wasn't ready not yet. Leopard the Bronx leader allowed her stay there not really knowing the Madison was really a girl. When she left she knew spot was going to send people to look for her so she cut her burgundy locks off and hid her chest, she was no longer Madison/Flicker, and she became a he on the outside now known as Matt/Moody. She just kept to herself to avoid being hit on by women, just made her money and did was she had to, to keep Leopard happy. Sometimes she would toy with the idea of sneaking over to Brooklyn just to see the newsies because even if they had loyalty to her they had more to Spot and would inform him of her being back and like it was stated before she just wasn't ready.

**-3 Years later-**

**-First Person-**

I hiked my bag onto my shoulder as I left the Bronx lodging house for good, I had already said my goodbyes and now I was ready to go home. My hair had grown back and man have I missed it, I took off my hat letting my hair be shown, I was finally able to dispose of my alias and go back to being Madison. I knew where I was going I heard plenty of what has been going on with Spot in the past years; he now held an actual job at a local dinner place, from what I heard he is still single 4 years later. Fixing my clothing a bit I walked into The Nutshell, the place Spot worked. I found myself a booth and slid in waiting for a waiter to come up.

When they waiter finally did I just ordered a coffee, I was way to nervous to be hungry more than anything I just wanted to see spot. I didn't expect a warm welcome, hell if he was happy to see me I would think he was smoking more than just cigarettes. I jerked to attention when I heard the sound of a coffee mug breaking followed by a "holy shit." Now if only knew what to say back, but before I even had a chance to say anything I saw him turn his heels and walk back towards the kitchen untying his apron and leaving it on the floor, I immediately got up and followed. I needed to talk to him running through the kitchen and out the back exit I saw his figure pacing back and forth attempting to light a cigarette.

"Those things can kill you." He stopped and looked at me, I wanted to kill myself right there. Looking into his eyes all I saw was hurt and hatred. When the silence became too painful I spoke up stepping closer to him. "Listen I don't expect you to forgive me I don't expect you to love me I don't expect anything I just needed to see you." He stared at the gravel on the ground, "four years." He looked up and stepped closer to me. "Four goddamned years." I flinched with each word that was spoken. This was harder than I thought, "I am sorry." He laughed at that but not in a good way. "Oh the irony I remember so long ago when it was I always apologizing now the roles have switched. I spent a year looking for you, but I guess you can't find a person who doesn't want to be found." I squirmed under his gaze.

"Well what do you want me to say, do you want me to say I am sorry again? Or that I should have told you? I didn't plan on sleeping with you that night. I didn't plan any of this. I was scared I didn't want to go through all the shit I saw you put other girls through. I sat and watched on the sidelines while you would tell those girls you loved them and then turn around and make out with me on your bed. I have liked you since the day I saw you, I loved you since the first time you said hello. I just can't take being hurt." I was sure I was crying right now I was so sure of that. "Go just fucking go." I didn't wait for another word I turned and left I just walked away. I let the tears flow freely I didn't care who saw. I fucked up. I know that. Before I knew it I found myself at the very docks where spot had found me drunk off my ass. Lighting up a smoke I sat down and just stared into the water one cigarette turned into two then three. Night was coming and I had no place to stay, it didn't matter though I didn't even think I had the strength to stand up. I sat staring off into space holding a smoke in my left hand.

"You know smoking kills you." I fell out of my daze smack dab back into reality, and grinned to myself. "It is a good thing I don't listen to you then." Spot came down to sit beside me. I turned to look at him, before I could say a word he did, "Listen don't talk listen. You hurt me too Madison, I spent the first year after you left looking for you I didn't sleep and destroyed my room praying that I would eventually get an answer as to where you have been. I never got into another serious relationship in fear that you would come back and also because I only wanted you. I loved you from the day you helped me hide from the cops, when you forgot to let go of my hand after pulling me into an alley to hide. I know I have hurt you so many times but you hurt me too, and we are even. After you left I told myself that no matter how mad I was at you I knew I still love you so I swore that I wouldn't let you leave again." I looked at him not sure what to think. "And that's why I am here now." He leaned in and kissed me. No more words were spoken that night, there was no need. He wrapped his arms around me as we watched the nights sky his warm breath tickled my neck. Inside I was scared, I didn't want to get hurt, but I knew he was just as scared as me. I knew this wasn't a smooth road but neither of our lives have ever been smooth to begin with, besides no matter what excuses I had produced one feeling countered them all. I loved him.

_At the mirror you fix your hair and put your makeup on  
You're insecure about what clothes to wear  
I can't see nothing wrong_

_To me you look so beautiful when you can't make up your mind  
It's half past eight, it's getting late  
It's OK, take your time_

_Standing here my hands in my pockets  
Like I have a thousand times  
Thinking back it took one breath  
One word to change my life_

_The first time I saw you it felt like coming home  
If I never told you I just want you to know  
You had me from hello_

_When we walk into a crowded room it's like we're all alone  
Everybody tries to kidnap your attention  
You just smile and steal the show_

_You come to me and take my hand  
We start dancin' slow  
You put your lips up to my ear and whisper way down low_

_From the first time I saw you it felt like coming home  
If I never told you I just want you to know  
You had me from hello_

_And when you're laying down beside me  
I feel your heartbeat to remind me..._

_The first time I saw you it felt like coming home  
If I never told you I just want you to know  
You had me from hello_

_From hello  
From hello_

**_The End!_**

**_Haha I actually liked this story. Hope you enjoyed it! I love my reviewers than you so much!_**

**_Lyrics are "You had me from hello" by Bon Jovi_**


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